Upstream

Days can go by before you find something worthy to blog/post/update about. Even then one might try to stretch a mediocre topic into a readable story.

Then you have a weekend like this one, where the topics come fast and furious. You can go a while picking low hanging fruit but there comes a time - harvest time - where there is more than you can pluck. The best I can do is try and preserve some thoughts for later.

I'm quite unprepared for this crop!

Dear Walt Adams,

I hate you.

There. I said it. And I feel much better for it.

I don't hate you because you have name brand jeans available for $6.60 or instant coffee for $0.55. And your orange juice seems to be quite a bargain. Really. You are truly doing a great job with your prices.

No, I hate you for another reason and I know this is going to be hard for you to hear. Honestly, I need some space. I think we need to spend a little time apart. I would say that it's not you but, well, it is you. You're smothering me and I need out. My spam filter would like to see a little less of you as well.

50% of my spam mail comes from you. For your own sake, you need to branch out. Go find some other vicitims. There are other phish in the sea besides me. So go. Hold your head up high. Go find someone who will give you the time, attention and orders that you so desperately crave. Just be sure and take me off your list before I file a digital restraining order.

~ Lefty

Mean streets

So why is it that the most dangerous street in any city is always named after Martin Luther King? Seems kind of disrespectful to me.

Me? When I die, I hope they name a gore after me.

Look it up.

Purple Rain

Our office is surrounded by large oaks and, apparently, some kind of tree that has purplish berries on it. The last few afternoons, after loading up on glue, a huge flock of birds gorge themselves on these berries and then digest them while perched in the oak my truck is parked under.

Now, please note that I have done nothing in my life to deserve such treatment from birds - unless it's payback for the whole Thanksgiving thing on behalf of their turkey brethren. Which seems a bit of a reach but it's all I can think of.

Because of the glue, a run through the car wash won't do the job. You have to get out and scrape these purple seed splatters off. Having the tree removed seems a bit drastic but shy of cleaning out the Humane Society of all their cats, I can't figure out how to discourage these avians from pooping on my vehicle.

Maybe I could buy one of those paintball guns - that'd serve 'em right. Of course, I'd only use purple paint...

Whew.

They passed a law making it legal to wish someone Merry Christmas here in Georgia. The assembly should be so proud of their efforts!

God Bless America.

/sarcasm