Valerie Bertinelli Nude

Credit: Peter Kramer, NBC Universal / AP

I was reading an edition of Ladies Home Journal the other day when I wondered what the search stats were on 'Valerie Bertinelli Nude'. C'mon, you'd be reading it too if Valerie was on the cover so don't look at me like that. And the nude thing, well, you're here so you can't upbraid me for that, either.

Valerie was probably one of my first celebrity crushes. Just a few years older than I am and just cute as can be - then and now. And she has that smile that makes you melt, just a little, every time you see it. She looks great now. Looked great then. And, frankly, I don't care how chubby she might have gotten, I bet she was STILL cute. The woman can't help it.

I remember being sad at her pairing with EVH but figured someone as cool as him should be the one Valerie lands with. (That was before we realized the cool members of Van Halen weren't the Van Halens...)

Life moves on and we're all older now. Lessons learned. Experienced whether we want to be or not. All that said, Valerie Bertinelli being cute is one of the few constants in our lives that makes the world that much better. Even if she's not nude, you perv.

USPS DOA

A lotta news out there about the Postal Service. My grandfather was a mail carrier, years ago, so I do have a fondness for the service. That said, I believe it's time to put a fork in it. There's no point spending money on infrastructure or repositioning the service to sell convenience store items or whatever other crazy scheme is out there.

Let's just call it quits in a year.

A year would give us enough time to ramp up technology so that everyone has internet access - either hardwired or via cell. Libraries could be ramped up a bit so that folks could do business there. There's no need for snail mail anymore.

We already get our bills, pay our bills and shop online. We correspond via email. We really don't NEED a Postal Service anymore. Sorry, Grandpa.

Class Warfare

Well, you know, someone is always going to claim that they don't have a fair shake, that someone else is gaming the system: getting more breaks and not doing their share. There's no way to level that playing field with the system we have today.

So here's my solution:

If you MUST have an income tax, make the percentage the SAME for everyone. And set capital gains tax at the same rate. No more deductions for anything. Ever.

Simple, right?

Dear President Obama

You're in the news a lot these days as you tour the country promoting your jobs bill. We've been hearing a lot about tax credits, infrastructure funding and other schemes to help jump the economy and get some people working.

The problem with all of this is that I don't think you're actually talking to small business.

Believe it or not, I am a small businessman. I have six employees. I'm no different than thousands of other small business across this state: florists, gas stations, restaurant owners et cetera. Tax credits won't be felt until next year. Infrastructure jobs won't directly help me grow my business. I don't want a business loan - I'm too afraid of default as it is. Decreasing my personal taxes will not convince me to hire. Increasing my personal taxes will definitely discourage me to hire. And, frankly, if I'm going to hire someone I'm going to hire the best person for the job and not base my decision on who's been unemployed the longest.

But you want me to hire. Fine. Pay attention and I will tell you exactly what it would take to get me to hire someone:

1. Increase my volume. It's pretty simple - if my business picks up then I'm going to need more help. You can't run my business but you can make sure my potential customers have money to spend. I know, this one is a complex issue but if folks have more cash then I should be able to get my share. If I can't then I'm a poor excuse for a businessman. This solution is a slow one though - we won't see an increase overnight.
   
2. Decrease, DIRECTLY, my business expenses. I'm not talking about partial credits I won't see until next year. Or deductions to be taken. I'm talking about doing something TODAY. If you give my payroll tax a holiday for a year then I will guarantee you I will hire someone tomorrow. Hopefully, that person will increase my business to the point that when the holiday expires I have the cash flow to keep them.
3. Pay for the employee. You heard me - pay their salary. What the heck, it's better than paying them unemployment, right? Set up a method whereby I can hire someone and put them on the Federal payroll for a year. My employee - your expense. At the end of that time we can convert that person over to my expense.

That's it. As I sit here, these are the only three things I can think of that would convince me to hire. Were you sitting across from me right now touting your current American Jobs Act I would tell you, quite sincerely, that for my small business and many, many others it will fail to move the needle even a little bit.