Vladimir Putin is Gay

The flood of news from Russia such as their new anti-gay legislation, the seizing of Konstantin Altunin art depicting Putin in lingerie, and the denial of poor Selena Gomez' tour because she spoke poorly about Russia's stance on gays can only lead one to this inescapable conclusion:

Vladimir Putin is gay.

But, really, who's surprised?  Anyone who goes out of there way to be topless all the time and flaunt those pecs would kind of make you wonder, wouldn't it?  I'm just sorry that Russia beat us to the punch by electing the first gay president!  I think the world would be a better place if Putin just owned his homosexuality and came out of the closet - in an a-line skirt and a nice pair of pumps that showed off his gams.

Can I Get a Ruling Here?

Is there any irony to the fact that we're enthralled with the Paula Deen debacle while pretty much ignoring Nelson Mandela's final days?

Dear George R. R. Martin

Seven books?

Nope, sorry, I just can't do it.  I've invested way too much time into this but don't care have this dragged on for the remaining three books that are apparently left.

Paula Deen

The train wreck just keeps a coming and there doesn't seem to be an end to it for poor Paula.  A large part of it is due to her candor and our inability to excuse anyone in the limelight for any transgression.

Y'all need to put this in perspective: Paula is from THE SOUTH.  In spite of what our enlightened media would want you to think, there is literally butt loads of prejudice still alive and well here.  Yes, yes, we're all equal under the law now and skin color doesn't matter and blah, blah, blah.  But the ugly, warty reality of these great United States is that we're not as enlightened as we pretend.

Paula is 67.  During her childhood, blacks were not allowed to vote.  They rode in the back of the bus.  Had their own water fountains and bathrooms and entrances to restaurants et cetera.  And attitudes in the south were much more distilled than in other areas.  Hate existed.  The Klan thrived.  Should ANYONE be surprised that Paula used the "n-word" during her life?  I'd be surprised if she hadn't.

What's really surprising is she was honest enough to admit it.

Now, I don't know Paula.  For all I know, she may be abusive and discourteous to anyone darker than the color of white bread.  She might actually deserve all the derision she's getting.  But before you round up the torches and pitchforks, take a moment to see exactly how clean our collective pot is: about the same as Paula's kettle, I'm guessing.

These things don't disappear just because Congress passes a law.  It takes generations for hate, bigotry, racism and the like to die away.  Generation Y is more tolerant than those that came before.  Future generations will shake their heads in wonder that the right for gays to marry was such a big deal in this age.  Just as it's hard to imagine women not having the right to vote now.   Those folks swept up in the changing of the tides cannot be expected to change their viewpoints overnight.  Culture is stubborn that way.

He's Dead, Jim

Occasionally, I surf Blogger.

See up in the left hand corner, where it says "Next Blog"?  Click it and off you go to all sorts of strange, wonderful places.  I've been noticing though that most of them are abandoned sites.  Ghost blogs from the not so distant past.  It occurs to me that the interwebs are probably full of dusty old blogs, websites, comments and reviews.  It's hard not to think of such as actually having mass...

It makes me wonder if someone will someday stumble into one of my digital ghosts.

Jodi Arias

I don't believe in the death penalty but after hearing Jodi Arias' pleas for mercy during the sentencing phase I'm willing to reconsider it. 

Locks of Love?!  HA!

Dan Brown's Inferno

I have to admit, somewhere in the middle of this book I began skipping over the history lessons.  And, frankly, you could guess within the first half dozen chapters (they're short) some of the plot twists - that inkling you get that THIS character might turn out to be a bad guy is probably spot on.

But here's the major issue I have with the book: once the major plot device is fully revealed, I was left with a 'meh' sort of attitude.  The antagonist is guilty of monologue-ing to the extreme: if he really felt that way he'd not risk mucking up his nefarious plans by leaving obscure clues hidden about Florence.  The book doesn't sell the reasons for the historical wild goose chase well at all.  And, frankly, it's a bad thing when your readers actually AGREE with the evil scientist.  If I were Robert Langdon (and I'm not, I don't dress that well) I'd have called off the scavenger hunt just as soon as I figured out what the deal was.  Crazy Evil Scientist is also spot on.

I hope this doesn't make me any more of a sociopath than I already was.

Somewhere in Twitter

There's a moron with a TCOT hashtag tweeting that "Obummer should ban tornadoes now, too!"  I just know it. 

What a world, what a world...

Benghazi, IRS, AP

Hoo boy, three things a-percolating away up on the Hill and don't it all smell bad?

At least, that's what the 'mainstream media' wants you to think.  The folks over at Fox are positively giddy.  But let's look at them objectively:

Benghazi - An absolute tragedy, no question.  But is it anything out of the norm for the government to want to spin it favorably for whoever was in charge?  The whole Susan Rice thing is NBD.  It is perhaps more interesting to delve into the actual response and support provided than get hung up on how it was spun.  Fifty plus folks died in embassy attacks during the Reign of W - so let's keep things in perspective.

IRS - Hey, I hate 'em as much, if not more, than the next guy.  One of their jobs is to make sure folks filing for tax exempt status are on the up and up.  A 501(c)(4) is NOT supposed to have political leanings.  If I'm pushing paper behind a desk in Cincinnati, you can be certain that any new entity with a name containing "Tea Party" is going to attract my attention.  It's called doing your job, you see.  The big question is did they spend an equal amount of time scrutinizing obvious liberal leaning groups?

AP - This may be the runt of the litter but, to my way of thinking, it is actually the most troubling one.  You can't explain away such a broad sweeping use of power for any sort of reason.  A vague pass at national security ain't going to cut it.  For whatever reason though, this 'scandal' comes in a distant third...

The biggest issue, really, is the Whitehouse being unwilling to DEAL with these issues head on instead of circling around and pointing fingers or denying out right.  Stuff is going to happen during anyone's Presidency - how you deal with it is what's important.  And that's where Obama is failing - not so much on all these other MSM talking points.

Becky the Love Doll

The wheels on the truck went wump, wump, wump this morning as I left the house.  I've owned the GMC for ten years now and have never once had to change a tire - I was always able to limp in some place and get a tire repaired without having to do it in the road, so to speak.  No such luck today.  After finding the necessary tools, and swearing incessantly, I got the spare on and drove to my favorite tire shop - not far from the office.  They were swamped and asked me to leave the truck.  Since it's such a nice day, I decided to walk to work.

The first thing I noticed was the cloyingly sweet smell of honeysuckle - profuse along the road but, somehow, they were something I never noticed before.  A bluebird flew by and perched on the phone lines above.  The flash of blue caught my eye while the cool breeze kept the walk pleasant.  I was, honestly, sort of enjoying the walk on the road until:

Becky the Love Doll.

Actually, it was just an empty box.  I caught a glimpse of the box in the weeds and my mind started to wander.  Becky was my first real girlfriend and I don't think I ever referred to her as a 'love doll.'  I wondered if the doll looked like her though.  And then I wondered at someone who would buy such and, in a fit of impatient passion, take it out of the box before they even got home.

Do you think they blew the doll up (a la Otto, the emergency pilot) while they were driving?  Did they pretend the GPS' voice was Becky's?  (Turn left NOW.)  Was Becky Dutch?

Anyhow, whatever strains of Beethoven's Pastoral that might have been playing in my mental soundtrack were entirely drowned out by a different sort of wump, wump, wump.  So much for a nature walk.

The IRS and Profiling

So, folks are all up in arms because the IRS was targeting not for profits with the words Tea Party or Patriot in their name.  If you ask me, and I noticed you didn't, if you looked at not for profits as a whole, you'd have to imagine those with more business savvy would be the ones trying to bend the rules a bit.  That's what big business does.  And if you only had so many resources, wouldn't you focus your efforts where you'd get the best *ahem* returns?

The IRS is simply guilty of profiling - which is ironic in that folks on the extreme right tend to be the ones telling us we shouldn't let Muslims fly any more.  :D

(BTW, am I the only one who finds the new implied meaning of the word 'patriot' amusing?)

La Caja China

Saturday was my first cook with a La Caja China roaster.  Though I did a ton of research online there were still a lot of things I wished I knew.  A new user might find this list useful:

1. The good folks at La Caja China never, ever answer an email.  Ever.  If you're thinking of sending a quick question about handles, pig size et cetera forget it.  You're wasting your time.  Bite the bullet and make the phone call.
2. The coals are hot.  Yeah, I hear you but, seriously, they are really hot.  Buy some welder's gloves and don't try to do this yourself.  Those cute little handles the grate comes with will seem really short when it comes time to knock the ash off.
3. To that end, buy a galvanized bucket to hold the hot coals when you're done, unless you can just let the coals die out on the grate.  A fire place shovel comes in handy, too.
4. Beer.  I'm pretty sure you MUST have beer to use this cooker.  If you don't drink, find someone who does and have them roast your pig.
5. You will also need a cattle prod.  Everyone in the neighborhood will filter by at some point - drawn by the smell - and want to peek.  Being polite doesn't always work.
6. You might as well go ahead and buy s'more materials, hot dogs, skewered shrimp or something.  All those folks meandering by will comment that "hey, you could cook *insert grillable food here* on top of that thing."  Don't fight it - just get some skewers and let them roast their wienies.
7. Although my question was never answered, the handles that come with the #1 don't line up at all with the bolts on the box.  I think you have to force them to fit.  I attached the top of the handles and pushed up the bottom to fit the bolt.
8. LIVE WEIGHT: I ordered my pig based on the 70# capacity my #1 supposedly could handle.  I may have missed it somewhere, but the first time I saw the phrase 'live weight' was on the box and instructions that came with the cooker.  You see, apparently the size of the pig is based on what it weighed BEFORE it had all its innards removed and not how your butcher sells it.  My pig, Arnold, was 62 pounds dressed and he barely fit.  I don't know what Arnold weighed before his visit to the abattoir but I'm guessing it was a tad over 70 or 80 pounds.  I asked my butcher and he had no idea what Arnold weighed beforehand.
9. You may want to give some thought to what you're going to serve your pig on - all of the platters you have in your pantry are far too small.  Trust me on this.  We knocked the ash off the lid and lined it with foil, placing the whole affair on a beach towel lined portable table.  Seemed to do the job.
10. A 62 pound pig produces about 62 pounds worth of drippings and fat.  I know there's some sciency type person out there that would say this is not possible but, trust me again, it's true.  Your drip pan is going to be full of liquified fat.  You may need to think about some place to put all of that.  I suggest your neighbor's yard.
11. Absolutely NONE of the parts of your La Caja China will fit in your dishwasher.
12. The edges of the sheet metal drip tray are not rolled over and are sharp, so be careful when you handle the tray.
13. There's a good possibility that your tray may not hold all the drippings and your box will actually leak.   Consider this before you decide to roast on your new fancy patio with those ornamental pavers.
14. I think the box would be a tad easier to clean before everything has a chance to congeal.  You're not going to feel like it but it's probably best to at least do a cursory cleaning before calling it a night.
15. Space - you're going to need space to maneuver the pig, the grates and what not.  No, you cannot roast on your 6 x 8 apartment deck.  Bad things will happen.
16. Unless you have your guest of honor delivered the day of the roast, you're going to have to STORE the pig someplace.  And, like your serving platters, none of your coolers are big enough for this.  I marinated our pig the night before and rested him in the La Caja China on top of 40 pounds of ice with an old blanket thrown over top of the whole affair.  That seemed to work but it was a 50 degree night so there was little risk.
17. And speaking of marinades, if you follow the recipe that they recommend, which is excellent, those folks expecting a southern type bar-b-que pig picking thing will be disappointed.  Try to go with a Latin theme...
18. The sides of your La Caja China are shipped connected to each other - I guess to limit the odds of freight damage.  I was unable to pry the short connector pieces of plywood from the legs and eventually just snapped them in half.  I used pliers to further break the plywood so that it didn't interfere with the legs or wheels.  It ain't pretty but it was better than marring the heck out of the legs trying to pry the wood off.
19. Yes, seriously, the pig does cook in four hours.  Five if you count the time it takes the initial bed of coals to be ready and the rest time afterward.
20. I spent a good bit of time agonizing over the aluminum lined La Caja China and their galvanized steel competitor.  I just couldn't bring myself to use the galvanized version and so ponied up for the more expensive La Caja China only to find out that the drip tray and ash tray are galvanized steel.

That about covers it.  Twenty points aside, the roast was excellent and everyone will remember the event.  Arnold fed over 50 people with pork to spare and the event was a success, in spite of the weather.  And I can't help you with that - you're going to have to work that out on your own.

Extreme Prepper

I fell asleep watching something in a hotel room and woke up to a show that profiled preppers - folks who prepare for one doomsday scenario or another.  In the episode, a well to do gentleman had procured a year's worth of dried food, bought filters to purify his pool water for drinking, planted his entire estate with edible foliage and closed the program by buying a helicopter with which to bug out with if things really got bad. 

His concern?  Earhquakes.  He lives in Southern California and he's convinced the big one is coming.  He wants to be prepared and has spent a considerable amount of his fortune to make sure he and his family survives.

It occurred to me that he's done just about everything possible except for the most obvious: MOVE.

People are crazy.

Time

Seriously, where does it go?

This blog, such as it is, was started back in 2006 sometime.  Seven years ago.  And the folks commenting on it, both of you, I had met almost ten years ago.  We've all scattered since then - or is it just me?

And, at home, the kid who'd hide behind the chair to poop is now learning to drive. 

What really worries me is that older folks (hard to imagine, I know) tell me it gets worse.  WORSE?!  I better not blink, I'ma thinkin'.

Guns and America and Newtown

America is driven by fear. 

We are scared of what our neighbors might do.  We are scared of what terrorists might do.  And we are even fearful of what our own government might do.  Logic and objective reasoning goes right out the window.  We feed our fears and it, in turn, consumes us.  This is not a new thing however.  There are still plenty of bomb shelters built in the 50s/60s out there.  Before that we had Communists hiding in our closets.  The South is still smarting over the War of Northern Aggression (seriously.)

And so you have a group of well intentioned women having tea and discussing why it's important to have a few UNREGISTERED guns - just in case the government tries to take them away from us.

The other issue with America is we are no longer capable of having a discussion.   Compromise is not a tenable position.  You are either for or against (pick an issue) and any attempt at middle ground is waffling, at best.  At worst you are accused of actually siding with the opposition and your talking points are dismissed.  The causes for this are myriad but, I think, are not in a small part rooted in our fears.

So you have a Newtown tragedy and it seems obvious to everyone outside America that we should address this head on.  It's easy.  We need to deal with mental issues in this country - provide support and change the system so folks like Adam and his mother can get the help they need.  Perhaps that might have prevented Adam from arming himself that day.  We need to address automatic and semi automatic weapons - as well as magazine size - so that if there is crazed gunman out there again he at least has to pause and reload.  Perhaps that might have minimized the damage Adam caused.  And we should respectfully discuss the quantity and security of guns.  Perhaps if Adam's mother had better secured her firearms this might not have happened.

You will see some media outlets try and bring these issues to light.  Already there are a few politicians (even some with the GOP) that are talking gun control.  It's going to get real ugly though.  Why?  Because a large percentage of Americans will see this as a trampling of their 2nd amendment 'rights' and the next step in total government control - furthering Obama's socialist agenda while negating our ability to defend ourselves against criminals and our own government.

It's absolute lunacy but there it is.

Mitt for Tat

"Those people."

Poor 'ol Mitt was caught on a hidden camera, going on and on about those people - the 47% - and the media had a field day with it.  Well, everyone except Fox, that is.  Some are already calling this the end of his campaign - stick a fork in him, he's done.  He might well be (one could argue that he was never really a starter to begin with) but it shouldn't be for what is being quoted OUT OF CONTEXT.

It's a tit for tat situation though.  Not so long ago, Obama was speaking about the infrastructure this great country has - the foundations on which our businesses are built upon.  What he wanted to say was something along the lines of "this country provides the support to make our businesses thrive" but what came out of his mouth was "you didn't build it."  He was trying to imply that you didn't do it on your own, that your business would not be where it was were it not for education, communication and transportation et cetera.  But it was too late - as soon as he proclaimed loudly that you didn't build it the phrase was exploited and became the centerpiece for a lot of GOP speeches.  Again, out of context.

So Mitt does this private function and someone asks him about his strategy for getting elected.   The 47% he was talking about are folks who will vote for Obama no matter what so, in the context of garnering votes, he can't worry about those people - nothing he can do will sway their votes.  That's what he was talking about but that's not what most folks are taking away from his answer.

My problem with what Mitt says has nothing to do with that statement.  What I have issue with is how he went on to describe that 47% which showed a clear lack of knowledge, compassion and, frankly, was just plain ugly.  Either he believes what he said or he was playing to the crowd.  It's hard to say but it would not surprise me if this actually does mirror his conviction regarding nearly half of the population.

You see, the thing is, we all have either required government assistance or have a friend or loved one who does.  ALL OF US are part of that 47%.  And if Mitt truly doesn't care about those people then, clearly, he doesn't care about us.  Which is kind of sad.  For the nth time, I really expected more out of Mitt.

Dear Mayor Rahm Emanuel

I have a suggestion for you.  As you know, one of the key points being negotiated is the hiring of laid off teachers.  Seems to me, there's plenty of laid off teachers across the nation.  So here's my idea: delay the school calendar by one month, fire any teacher that doesn't show up to work tomorrow and hire teachers who really want to work - I'm sure those vacancies will fill in a heartbeat.

You're welcome.

If I Had a Twitter Account...

I'd have tweeted "The definition of a savage is someone willing to kill for their religion."

If I Had a Twitter Account...

... I'd have posted something along the lines of:  Dan Cathy has offered Todd Akin Chick Fil A for life.

Lose/Lose

I knew when I answered the phone that I was screwed.

The husband of my wife's friend called and explained that another husband of my wife's friend (not the same friend.  Although one couple is Mormon.  I've always contended that the women should have a shot at multiple husbands if they really wanted to.  What d'ya say, Handy?) had expressed an interest in seeing a baseball game and they wanted to know if I wanted to go with...

The answer, of course, is no.  Not because I dislike these husbands - perfectly nice individuals - but rather because my tolerance for crowds has greatly diminished over the years and, frankly, I just don't enjoy it any more.  But, of course, I couldn't say that because I knew there'd be recriminations at home - "why did you tell Bocephus* that you didn't want to go?  They're my friends too and they're going to think you don't like them if you keep rejecting them..."

*sigh*

So I said yes.  And prayed that maybe, just maybe, the Gods would intervene and something would happen to get me out of it: the game being sold out, a sinkhole swallowing the stadium, hurricane Zasu** flooding the city.  Hey, it could happen.  As the day approached though it became evident that there would be no deus ex machina for me.  I would have to go.

I will confess, in my own passive/aggressive way, that I could have left a tad earlier.  But, still, I was pulling up to the stadium a full 40 minutes before the game started.  What I wasn't prepared for was a change in the traffic patterns - the route I normally would take was blocked off and I was shunted with startling speed south of town before I knew it.  A series of left turns got me back on track - now on the other side of the stadium - where I promptly got stuck in traffic.

And it's the worst kind of traffic - you know, folks changing lanes then changing back, people jumping out of vehicles, car door to car door sales folks offering to buy or sell.  There were police waiving folks in various directions: I think their sole job was to keep us all circling for as long as they could without giving us an opportunity to park.

So it was that at the end of the second inning I was STILL stuck in traffic, behind the Incredible Expectorating Man***, when I saw my sign.  No, it didn't say 'Parking,' it said "this way to the interstate."  Eff it, I thought, I'm going home.  So I texted the husbands, jumped on the freeway and watched the last four innings (we lost) from the comfort of home.

Yes, I did catch hell the next day but, as I said, I knew I was screwed from the very beginning.

*Not his real name.
**Also not her real name.
***If it's not his real name it should be.  I wonder if his date was impressed.