Jodi Arias

I don't believe in the death penalty but after hearing Jodi Arias' pleas for mercy during the sentencing phase I'm willing to reconsider it. 

Locks of Love?!  HA!

Dan Brown's Inferno

I have to admit, somewhere in the middle of this book I began skipping over the history lessons.  And, frankly, you could guess within the first half dozen chapters (they're short) some of the plot twists - that inkling you get that THIS character might turn out to be a bad guy is probably spot on.

But here's the major issue I have with the book: once the major plot device is fully revealed, I was left with a 'meh' sort of attitude.  The antagonist is guilty of monologue-ing to the extreme: if he really felt that way he'd not risk mucking up his nefarious plans by leaving obscure clues hidden about Florence.  The book doesn't sell the reasons for the historical wild goose chase well at all.  And, frankly, it's a bad thing when your readers actually AGREE with the evil scientist.  If I were Robert Langdon (and I'm not, I don't dress that well) I'd have called off the scavenger hunt just as soon as I figured out what the deal was.  Crazy Evil Scientist is also spot on.

I hope this doesn't make me any more of a sociopath than I already was.

Somewhere in Twitter

There's a moron with a TCOT hashtag tweeting that "Obummer should ban tornadoes now, too!"  I just know it. 

What a world, what a world...

Benghazi, IRS, AP

Hoo boy, three things a-percolating away up on the Hill and don't it all smell bad?

At least, that's what the 'mainstream media' wants you to think.  The folks over at Fox are positively giddy.  But let's look at them objectively:

Benghazi - An absolute tragedy, no question.  But is it anything out of the norm for the government to want to spin it favorably for whoever was in charge?  The whole Susan Rice thing is NBD.  It is perhaps more interesting to delve into the actual response and support provided than get hung up on how it was spun.  Fifty plus folks died in embassy attacks during the Reign of W - so let's keep things in perspective.

IRS - Hey, I hate 'em as much, if not more, than the next guy.  One of their jobs is to make sure folks filing for tax exempt status are on the up and up.  A 501(c)(4) is NOT supposed to have political leanings.  If I'm pushing paper behind a desk in Cincinnati, you can be certain that any new entity with a name containing "Tea Party" is going to attract my attention.  It's called doing your job, you see.  The big question is did they spend an equal amount of time scrutinizing obvious liberal leaning groups?

AP - This may be the runt of the litter but, to my way of thinking, it is actually the most troubling one.  You can't explain away such a broad sweeping use of power for any sort of reason.  A vague pass at national security ain't going to cut it.  For whatever reason though, this 'scandal' comes in a distant third...

The biggest issue, really, is the Whitehouse being unwilling to DEAL with these issues head on instead of circling around and pointing fingers or denying out right.  Stuff is going to happen during anyone's Presidency - how you deal with it is what's important.  And that's where Obama is failing - not so much on all these other MSM talking points.

Becky the Love Doll

The wheels on the truck went wump, wump, wump this morning as I left the house.  I've owned the GMC for ten years now and have never once had to change a tire - I was always able to limp in some place and get a tire repaired without having to do it in the road, so to speak.  No such luck today.  After finding the necessary tools, and swearing incessantly, I got the spare on and drove to my favorite tire shop - not far from the office.  They were swamped and asked me to leave the truck.  Since it's such a nice day, I decided to walk to work.

The first thing I noticed was the cloyingly sweet smell of honeysuckle - profuse along the road but, somehow, they were something I never noticed before.  A bluebird flew by and perched on the phone lines above.  The flash of blue caught my eye while the cool breeze kept the walk pleasant.  I was, honestly, sort of enjoying the walk on the road until:

Becky the Love Doll.

Actually, it was just an empty box.  I caught a glimpse of the box in the weeds and my mind started to wander.  Becky was my first real girlfriend and I don't think I ever referred to her as a 'love doll.'  I wondered if the doll looked like her though.  And then I wondered at someone who would buy such and, in a fit of impatient passion, take it out of the box before they even got home.

Do you think they blew the doll up (a la Otto, the emergency pilot) while they were driving?  Did they pretend the GPS' voice was Becky's?  (Turn left NOW.)  Was Becky Dutch?

Anyhow, whatever strains of Beethoven's Pastoral that might have been playing in my mental soundtrack were entirely drowned out by a different sort of wump, wump, wump.  So much for a nature walk.

The IRS and Profiling

So, folks are all up in arms because the IRS was targeting not for profits with the words Tea Party or Patriot in their name.  If you ask me, and I noticed you didn't, if you looked at not for profits as a whole, you'd have to imagine those with more business savvy would be the ones trying to bend the rules a bit.  That's what big business does.  And if you only had so many resources, wouldn't you focus your efforts where you'd get the best *ahem* returns?

The IRS is simply guilty of profiling - which is ironic in that folks on the extreme right tend to be the ones telling us we shouldn't let Muslims fly any more.  :D

(BTW, am I the only one who finds the new implied meaning of the word 'patriot' amusing?)

La Caja China

Saturday was my first cook with a La Caja China roaster.  Though I did a ton of research online there were still a lot of things I wished I knew.  A new user might find this list useful:

1. The good folks at La Caja China never, ever answer an email.  Ever.  If you're thinking of sending a quick question about handles, pig size et cetera forget it.  You're wasting your time.  Bite the bullet and make the phone call.
2. The coals are hot.  Yeah, I hear you but, seriously, they are really hot.  Buy some welder's gloves and don't try to do this yourself.  Those cute little handles the grate comes with will seem really short when it comes time to knock the ash off.
3. To that end, buy a galvanized bucket to hold the hot coals when you're done, unless you can just let the coals die out on the grate.  A fire place shovel comes in handy, too.
4. Beer.  I'm pretty sure you MUST have beer to use this cooker.  If you don't drink, find someone who does and have them roast your pig.
5. You will also need a cattle prod.  Everyone in the neighborhood will filter by at some point - drawn by the smell - and want to peek.  Being polite doesn't always work.
6. You might as well go ahead and buy s'more materials, hot dogs, skewered shrimp or something.  All those folks meandering by will comment that "hey, you could cook *insert grillable food here* on top of that thing."  Don't fight it - just get some skewers and let them roast their wienies.
7. Although my question was never answered, the handles that come with the #1 don't line up at all with the bolts on the box.  I think you have to force them to fit.  I attached the top of the handles and pushed up the bottom to fit the bolt.
8. LIVE WEIGHT: I ordered my pig based on the 70# capacity my #1 supposedly could handle.  I may have missed it somewhere, but the first time I saw the phrase 'live weight' was on the box and instructions that came with the cooker.  You see, apparently the size of the pig is based on what it weighed BEFORE it had all its innards removed and not how your butcher sells it.  My pig, Arnold, was 62 pounds dressed and he barely fit.  I don't know what Arnold weighed before his visit to the abattoir but I'm guessing it was a tad over 70 or 80 pounds.  I asked my butcher and he had no idea what Arnold weighed beforehand.
9. You may want to give some thought to what you're going to serve your pig on - all of the platters you have in your pantry are far too small.  Trust me on this.  We knocked the ash off the lid and lined it with foil, placing the whole affair on a beach towel lined portable table.  Seemed to do the job.
10. A 62 pound pig produces about 62 pounds worth of drippings and fat.  I know there's some sciency type person out there that would say this is not possible but, trust me again, it's true.  Your drip pan is going to be full of liquified fat.  You may need to think about some place to put all of that.  I suggest your neighbor's yard.
11. Absolutely NONE of the parts of your La Caja China will fit in your dishwasher.
12. The edges of the sheet metal drip tray are not rolled over and are sharp, so be careful when you handle the tray.
13. There's a good possibility that your tray may not hold all the drippings and your box will actually leak.   Consider this before you decide to roast on your new fancy patio with those ornamental pavers.
14. I think the box would be a tad easier to clean before everything has a chance to congeal.  You're not going to feel like it but it's probably best to at least do a cursory cleaning before calling it a night.
15. Space - you're going to need space to maneuver the pig, the grates and what not.  No, you cannot roast on your 6 x 8 apartment deck.  Bad things will happen.
16. Unless you have your guest of honor delivered the day of the roast, you're going to have to STORE the pig someplace.  And, like your serving platters, none of your coolers are big enough for this.  I marinated our pig the night before and rested him in the La Caja China on top of 40 pounds of ice with an old blanket thrown over top of the whole affair.  That seemed to work but it was a 50 degree night so there was little risk.
17. And speaking of marinades, if you follow the recipe that they recommend, which is excellent, those folks expecting a southern type bar-b-que pig picking thing will be disappointed.  Try to go with a Latin theme...
18. The sides of your La Caja China are shipped connected to each other - I guess to limit the odds of freight damage.  I was unable to pry the short connector pieces of plywood from the legs and eventually just snapped them in half.  I used pliers to further break the plywood so that it didn't interfere with the legs or wheels.  It ain't pretty but it was better than marring the heck out of the legs trying to pry the wood off.
19. Yes, seriously, the pig does cook in four hours.  Five if you count the time it takes the initial bed of coals to be ready and the rest time afterward.
20. I spent a good bit of time agonizing over the aluminum lined La Caja China and their galvanized steel competitor.  I just couldn't bring myself to use the galvanized version and so ponied up for the more expensive La Caja China only to find out that the drip tray and ash tray are galvanized steel.

That about covers it.  Twenty points aside, the roast was excellent and everyone will remember the event.  Arnold fed over 50 people with pork to spare and the event was a success, in spite of the weather.  And I can't help you with that - you're going to have to work that out on your own.

Extreme Prepper

I fell asleep watching something in a hotel room and woke up to a show that profiled preppers - folks who prepare for one doomsday scenario or another.  In the episode, a well to do gentleman had procured a year's worth of dried food, bought filters to purify his pool water for drinking, planted his entire estate with edible foliage and closed the program by buying a helicopter with which to bug out with if things really got bad. 

His concern?  Earhquakes.  He lives in Southern California and he's convinced the big one is coming.  He wants to be prepared and has spent a considerable amount of his fortune to make sure he and his family survives.

It occurred to me that he's done just about everything possible except for the most obvious: MOVE.

People are crazy.